40 Years of Gratitude

40 years ago yesterday, on  August 25th 1982, I arrived in a little cute village called Groenenbach in Germany south of Munich. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to experience. I had been having a very serious drinking problem. I also did some drugs but my main choice was always alcohol. Whiskey to be exact.

 My bottom was not a bottom of many alcoholics or drug addicts, it was more of an emotional bottom. I knew inside of me that life could not be so miserable. I was miserable in the end of my drinking career. It was a hell. 

Somewhere inside me I knew that life had to be better. Life could be better, that this could not be of God to live in so much darkness, even though in those days I had a little bit of trouble  believing fully in God. Even so, I prayed every day that He would help me find a way out of the mess.

 Then this beautiful clinic in Groenenbach  showed up through some dear friends. My mother had been searching for a solution to my problem. Both my parents supported me in going there. I could have  not done it without their love and support.

The idea was to be sober 2 months prior to my  arrival.  However,  when I got on the airplane I thought "a glass of wine won't hurt." And guess where that glass of wine landed me?  I had arrived in Munich three days prior to my admittance to the Clinic, and was not happy where I was on my third day of continuous drinking. I had hit rock bottom.

I arrived to the clinic on a Wednesday evening, tipping. They received me because I had come from very far away which was from my beautiful country Guatemala.  

The next day they had a meeting with all the patients in the room and the main therapists and doctors. It was a beautiful place where  Everybody was dressed casually even the therapists and doctors.  We, the newcomers and therapists, sat in the middle of a circle. The rest of the people sat in a circle around us.  We had to introduce ourselves, and when it was my turn, the main doctor and Chef Artzt Konrad Strauss, really came down hard on me in a way that shook my soul. He must have done his magic because from that day, 40 years ago. August 26th, 1982...until this day, I have not picked up a drink or used any drugs, except medications prescribed by doctors. 

In my heart, Konni saved my life and the therapies in this beautiful place were totally amazing. Everything was filled with love, a lot of support, amazing therapies, like bonding, rebirthing, Yoga, meditation,  group therapy, love therapy, walks in nature, walks in the woods with the backdrop of the Swiss Alps. It was heaven on Earth. The most beautiful thing is that I really did not have to drink again and that was a relief. Twelve step meetings every night. 

Dr  Konrad Stauss really believed in the 12 steps. I really learned that I had a disease called alcoholism and that one day at a time for the rest of my life. I would not pick up one drink because that one drink, like that one glass of wine in the airplane, takes me to hell. I cannot control it!!!  Even though I tried a hundred times to lie to myself that I could. It was a relief to know that there was another world filled with beautiful people, sober people, people on a spiritual path, on a meditation path, on a path of enlightenment, of a path of community, laughter, joy, love and a return to God.  

I'm not talking about any religion or Dogma or any sect or culture. I'm talking about freedom. True freedom! Freedom from unnecessary pain, freedom from addiction, choosing a life without destructive alcoholism and drug addiction. 

Please don't get me wrong, I feel respect for all religions, for all forms of belief and  feel that every human being has to find his or her way to get back to God ~ Spirit  ~ the Light ~ in the way and path that is best suited for their hearts and their souls. I truly believe we are all One that we need to respect everyone's beliefs. 

I had a very powerful spiritual experience while I was there within 6 weeks of being in the clinic. I felt a very strong pressure in my head for many days until one day I went to my room and I laid down and I said I give up, I surrender. In that moment this wave of amazing light took over me. It was pure love.... pure light... it was a peace and clarity I had never experienced before. The next day there was a huge meeting. It was the same meeting where I was introduced on my first day where the newcomers were being received, however,  that day I was chairing that meeting. I was in the full  presence of God, in Spirit. All I could feel was pure love for everyone not in a lala land way. In a real 'echt' way.  There was no judgment, there were no expectations  no demands...  just pure unconditional love for every human being in that room.  It was pure unconditional love for every one of his children. 

I even fell in love in those days in 1982, while I was in the 3 month program,  with a beautiful soul that I still hold dear in my heart today. 

During this time I have become a writer, my art work is developing... I'm and Assertive Coach and also do healing  work, even creating music is now starting for me. I'm doing things I would have never ever dreamed of in my entire life. 

Sometimes it has been really tough, tough is an understatement, yet what has me always moving forward has always been, one day at a time, one moment at a time,  without picking up that drink, or any  other drug. And if I'm honest I am dealing with other forms of addiction ( social media has us all hooked a little )  but not like the one of drinking and using drugs. 

I can't even imagine ever picking up a drink. I never in my entire existence ever want to be that person again, ever!  I don't miss it at all... knock on wood... 

What keeps me alive and what keeps me everyday moving forward is my connection with God, my connection with Spirit. Everyday I pray, every day I meditate. Everyday I try to connect with that light and that love within me, remembering that initial experience with God ~ Source ~ the Light. 

 I can't even begin to share with you the immense amount of spiritual experiences and awakenings I have had through my journey. It's absolutely beautiful and amazing something I would have never dreamed of even existed. 

The other force that has kept me moving forward is community and all the amazing lovely people and teachers I have met along the way. The helping hands of many many friends, strangers and family.

It is my hope that as I share this with you today,  that maybe one of you can become aware that there is so much love for you.  There is another way. A worthy way without alcohol and drugs. It is the best way! One day at a time. One moment at a time. There is help, there's is a lot of help. There is more help today than ever has been to help you move out of your addictions and your pain.  

Last year I was helping a close friend and family member get some help and suggested the Privat Klinik in Groenenbach.

On October of last year, I  had the beautiful opportunity of going back to Groenenbach. Another dream I never imagined would ever happen. Even though Konrad Stauss left us a few years ago. I remained in contact with him even a few months before his passing. I was in contact with him throughout all the years because I was always in admiration for the work that he was giving and doing. He was very diligent in believing that Forgiveness is the key to healing and invited me to an online group. He also many years back,  invited me to come and be a student Practitioner in the clinic at some point which unfortunately never took place. He sadly left us 6 years ago on August 29th.

 I discovered of another person who was continuing his work. His name is Dr. Jochen Von Wahlert, who happened to be an amazing quality human being.  I contacted him to help a family member who was having difficulties. In October of last year I finally was able to work it through to finally help this person and he finally said yes to receive help. He agreed with the condition that I meet with this person in Germany for the first interview, to which I said yes. I was in much needed vacation and was thrilled to go again and see my friends I had not seen for 36 - 39 years.

My idea was to rent a small cottage while he was receiving the therapy and  the help that was needed at the time. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine myself going back in.  The tables turned in a way that I was offered the opportunity to go in myself for treatment which I never had considered due to many factors, yet  I was feeling so exhausted and broken, that I gave in. I was so deeply grateful for this opportunity and miracle.  It ended up being the Best!!! 

The set up and work they had was astonishing, similar to what they had before, except upscaled, very much upscaled with added therapies, like, Healing Massage, physical therapy, Watsu, swimming, Sauna, and may other Spa oriented therapies. The food was amazing... A total delight! 

 It changed my whole life once again. It turned everything around for me once again .... I loved it...  every minute of it!  I would love to go back again, because it's so beautiful and so loving and so fun. I was able to reconnect with myself and was able to meet and befriend amazing people. It was all very much needed for my heart and for my soul. People who are highly evolved and with so much Presence in the Light. They really shone light on my path. I was immensely happy there.

 Please know that this place is available to you in Germany whether you speak German or English they will be able to help you. It's  beautiful there, nature is breathtaking.  The experience is like non other.  (link below)

Jochen Von Wahlert & I

Today I'm so grateful that for 40 years, I have stayed clean one day at a time, one moment at a time, regardless of my circumstances, with the help of many people, friends and family, and mainly my connection to God.

I invite you to make that choice.  It doesn't matter how far you are down the road, there is HOPE. There IS  a way. There is a door.  There is a way to get back to your heart. A way to get your life back and be happy.... Yes there is...  Choose your FREEDOM...  

One of the many gifts I have received is that my brother Thomas followed this path and is now 21 years Sober! A pride and joy I can't express enough. If we can do it. You can do it. 

With Love, Bárbara 

Klinik information... Privat Klinik